In the mind of Faye Valentine
by MyStErIoUsXsPaRkLe
Summary: Fayes thoughts on Life. r and r pleez


In the Mind of Faye Valentine  
  
Life. What is it. Do we just live to die? Are we amusing some guy in the sky just for his pleasure ? Or is it just a dream that we can't wake up from because we don't exist and never really will? I don't know the meaning of life… I barely know what living is. I mean…not only did I have a big piece of my life chopped away, but im confused. Lost and confused. All I ever wanted is gone, and what I've got now doesn't appreciate me. I mean…not me…but really me. The Faye deep inside of me that screams to be freed from her tough shell. The Faye that wants to break down crying with all the pain a felt ever scince I woke up from the freeze, knowing that my life would never be the same ever again.  
  
Love. Is there a reason why there are people sent into our lives? Is it just to make us miserable when we know we cant have them for our own…to love…to hold…to wake up everyday and tell them that you love them, and your life wouldn't be the same without their presence? Or is it so we waste our feelings on for all eternity. Or maybe its so the whole galaxy can draw triangles of who loves who and "oh..this person loves this person, but this person loves another…"…who knows. Or do we just love so we can watch them love someone else, and want them to stop walking farther and farther away as we grow apart every second, as you shoot useless bullets at the air wanting to shoot the bullets into their heart, but knowing you love them too much to ever hurt them …also knowing that if they were the ones with the gun getting ready to shoot into your heart, that they wouldn't even hesitate for a single moment in time  
  
Emotions. Why do we have them? When were happy we supposedly laugh, when were sad we cry. But what happens when not a single drop of tears can fall from your eye. What happens when your mind is so confused, and your so scared to show others your emotions, that you end up smiling when your really sad, and you cry dismal tears when you really want to be happy. But deep down inside you feel "everything will be okay…all the bad things will go away someday", yet your so insecure that you would rather die than to feel so many emotions at the same time.  
  
Time. It goes by way too fast for way too long. Sometimes I wonder, if there were no clocks, would there be no time? Would distant lovers find a way? Do you think maybe we'd stop thinking if we were late for an appoitment, and take time to look around at nature and learn to love it. Maybe once in a while we'd smell a flower, or look at the clouds, or count the stars shining brightly in the dark night sky…giving us a sense of security and making us feel as if everything were okay no matter how many problems we're dealing with. Maybe we'd look at the sunrise breaking through the horizon and wait for a new day so we can start all over again…with a smile and a tingling new sense of pride and acheivement deep within.  
  
Maybe we'd even have time to meditate under the silvery moon and maybe we'd find ourself-and we'd realize that everything is okay in the end, but scince it's not the end yet, then we will somehow find a way - -no matter what.  
  
Care. Is it something to just say you care, than to actually have a feeling of care inside of you? Would you die for someone you care about…or jus say you care for them and never show it. Do you care for yourself, yet you find yourself in denial…or you hold all of your feelings inside…priceless feelings…feelings that are so worth it, but you deny that theyre worth telling. If someone you care about was doing something harmful, would you tell them to stop, or would you actually make them stop.  
  
Beauty. Short purple hair, green eyes, light skin, and a small pointy nose…I may not be the model of divinity…but I am me. I can't change who I am or what I look like. I can only look at others and chant "They are not as pretty as me…I am beautiful"- -as long as it doesn't go to my head. Her…she was so beautiful when I saw her. I could then understand why he would always choose her over me. Julia…she had a dangerous beautiful look…like if you ever started to love her…you would love her forever and for all eternity. Her long golden blonde hair and beautiful face made her irresistible to any guy. They fought over her. Spike and Vicious died fighting over her…even after she met her fate. And I know its not the most important thing…but sometimes it makes me sad to think that no guy would ever do that for me (not that I would want them to). I guess I'm just Faye Valentine, and thankfully, that's all Ill ever be. Me.  
  
Dreams. We use the term "dream" in many different ways. Theres day dreaming, setting goals to get to your dream, or the worst kind of the dream…the long dream that comes after you die. The worst kind of dreams, like the ones I have, are the ones when you are so happy in your dream because sometihing so wonderful happened…and then...you wake up to your harsh reality with real tears in your eyes realizing your dream was just that and nothing more…a dream.  
  
Happiness. Sometimes we so badly want to be happy, that we laugh when our world is torn and out hearts shattered. And sometimes just seeing something is enough to make you feel warm inside, and you want to relive that exact moment forever. Some can tell when were happy…and some just think were weird. Those who can tell are true friends. And as a rainbow fades across the blue…knowing Spike is out there somewhere…and your true friend by your side…that's what happiness is all about.  
  
Fate. It may be just a theory…but I believe that certain things are just supposed to happen to certain people just because. There may be no scientifical reason…,but "just because". Not the smartest rocket scientist…no…not even the most educated doctor…nobody knows why. My mother once told me that when the stars and the planets are in a certain line whith the heavens, then something special happens. But when death comes along, I don't get it. I wonder why certain people are fated to die…especially when it seems like it wasn't random and it wasn't fated…as though they created it upon themselves. Spike…Julia… Vicous………I wonder what theyre doing up there…  
  
Death. They say cats have seven lives. But the cat dies and duh-dah…gone forever. Did you ever expect it? No.Did it happen? Yes.Do you know why? Not sure. Are you able to control it? Never in a miliion years. They say that life is just a dream on the way to death, and death is just a long rest after life. A time for you to get ready so you can live again as something new…something that wiould fit the personality of the old you. The tears of all those around you help your spirit live again. But…what if you die, and no one cared. No one knew…There would be no tears…no sympathy to help you live again, and your soul just floats aimlessly…wandering…waiting for the day…maybe someone will care, but you seriously doubt it. 


End file.
